Posted on Leave a comment

Sporty Doanna Top

  • Follow Doanna top
  • Only subtract 20 cm from Measurement 1
  • Straps and edge is made in different color
  • Straps: 135 chains/49 cm, followed by hdc ss into every chain (tutorial here)
  • Edge: hdc stitches (1 per row)
  • Then make a cowl neck by sewing the front of the top, on the wrong side (tutorial here)
  • Finally take a piece of 5 mm wide elastic (10 cm in length).
  • Follow my elastic tutorial here, and crochet with hdc around the elastic. Sew each side in place (where your first decrease rows begin)
  • Now you’re done!
Posted on Leave a comment

Doris Backless Top

  • For this top you need to follow the Doris sweater pattern (follow tight fitted version)
  • Yarn: 2 strands of size 1/superfine/fingering cotton (50 g = 170 m) OR 1 strand of size 2/sport.
  • Hooks: 4 mm (for body) and 10 mm (for sleeves)
  • For the body you make double crochet, alternating between front and back loop (instead of hdc)
  • When making the panel you are skipping the turtleneck part, and therefore only working with your bust measurements.
  • You will need to subtract 10 cm from measurement 4 & don’t add anything to measurement 5.
  • After making the first panel you make 2 back panels.
  • Each back panel needs to be 1/7 of the front panel. Measure the front panel width and divide with 7, to get the width of each back panel.
  • Connect the back and front over the shoulder (the full width of each back panel) as well as each side.
  • Back straps: insert your 4 mm hook on the first back panel, around where the armpit is (or try on the top and pinch where you want the strap to be – I like mine just under the bust). Make 1 ss, ch 2, 1 dc in the same stitch, 1 dc in the next two, ch 2 and turn. Crochet 1 dc in each stitch (through both loops), crochet back and forth until your strap is long enough to be tied on the back. Mine measured 42 cm.
  • Make the sleeves as described in the pattern (using the 10 mm hook).
  • Now only sew the sleeve on over half of the armhole – the bottom side, so that the top of the sleeve is open. You can of course also sew the sleeve on all the way around.
  • Lastly, sew the cowl neck; tutorial here.
  • Remember to tag @mati_denmark or send photos so I can see your work 🙂
Posted on Leave a comment

Mona Beach Skirt

  1. You need to follow Mona pattern for this skirt, to get the right fit. You can also get this set at a discount.
  2. You don’t need to subtract from the length (unless you want to add the elastic waistband)
  3. You need cotton, superfine, size 1 + 3 mm hook
  4. You will be making the Ternion stitch, but instead of dc you use treble crochet (yarn over x2, insert hook, yarn over, pull through stitch, yarn over, pull through 2 loops, yarn over, pull through 2 loops). Then 1 sc into the side of the treble crochet, chain 1 and skip 1 stitch.
  5. You can make both panels identical or do as I did and make them different – on the first panel I made me tr stitch in the chain between each tr crochet, on the second panel I made the stitch into the tr crochet from the row before.
  6. When making the tr into the tr you finish with 1 tr, 1 sc, 2 ch in the last stitch, turn and make the first tr in the first tr of the row. The 2 chains doesn’t count as a stitch.
  7. Start each panel with a chainless foundation of treble crochet. Finish with 1 row of treble crochet (1 tr in the tr, 1 tr around the chain). To make the skirt straight, make sure to stretch the first and last row when you are finished.
  8. When both panels are made slip stitch each side together but only over some of the stitches (1 ss through each tr crochet)
  9. For the waist string you are following this tutorial.
  10. Continue until you have enough length to weave it up and down through the holes in the edge of the skirt.

Posted on Leave a comment

Junellie Set




To make the Junelille set (as seen above) you will need the June dress (leave out the skirt part) as well as the Ellie shorts. The pant legs are crocheted directly out from the opening of the shorts.

Yarn & hook:
For pants + top I used 471 g/ 1508 m
– For the legs (size medium/67 cm in length, 44 cm in circumference) I used 211 g/676 m.
– 3 mm hook
Cotton, size 1/superfine (50 g = 160 m).

Mesh stitch:
– The mesh stitch consists of 1 dc followed by 1 chain.
– Finish the round with 1 ss in the 2nd ch, ch 3 and turn (these counts as 1 dc + 1 ch).


The fit:
– You can make a gauge if you want to be sure that you have enough mesh stitches for the short circumference.
– If you find that the measurement of the mesh is smaller than the short opening simply stretch it or block it afterwards. The mesh stitches also have more stretch than the actual shorts.



Start by making your Ellie shorts but crochet through both loops instead of back loop. This will also mean that the shorts fit tighter than the original ones – if you want the original fit you can use back loop.

THE MESH LEGS:

Round 1: Now insert your hook with 1 ss in the the seam where front and back is connected.

Chain 3. They count as 1 double crochet + 1 chain.

Now you are going to make 1 double crochet + 1 chain per dc-row all the way around. Also crochet into every seam where from and back is connected.

You want to make sure you have enough stitches to match the opening of the shorts so the leg will be straight all the way down. Make more/less stitches in the first round as needed.

Finish with 1 slip stitch in the 2nd chain in the beginning of the round, chain 3 and turn.

Round 2: Make 1 dc in the first dc, ch 1, 1 dc in the next dc, ch 1. 1 ss in the 2nd chain in the beginning of the round, ch 3 and turn.

Round 3-xx. Repeat round 2 until you have the length you need. I have 62 rounds.

The edge: Make 4-5 cm (about 4 rows) with regular dc: 1 dc in the dc, 1 dc around the chain. Finish with 1 ss in the first dc, ch 1 and break off the yarn.

Make the other leg the same way and you’re done!




To make the Ellie pants with mesh legs follow along here.
The top is the June dress without skirt.

Measurements:
My legs (size medium) measures 44 cm in circumference, 67 cm in length (including edge).

Yarn & hook:
For shorts + pants I used 471 g/ 1508 m
– I used
– You’ll need 3 mm hook and about 4 balls/ 200 g of size 1/superfine cotton yarn (50 g = 160 m) for the legs (size medium).
– The mesh stitch consists of 1 dc followed by 1 chain.
– You can make a gauge if you want to be sure that you have enough mesh stitches for the short circumference.
– The 3 turning chains counts as 1 dc + 1 chain.
– If you find that the measurement of the mesh is smaller than the short opening simply stretch it or block it afterwards. The mesh stitches also have more stretch than the actual shorts.



Finish your shorts but crochet through both loops instead of back loop.

Round 1: Now insert your hook with 1 ss in the the seam where front and back is connected.

Chain 3. They count as 1 double crochet + 1 chain.

Now you are going to make 1 double crochet + 1 chain per dc-row all the way around. Also crochet into every seam where from and back is connected.

You want to make sure you have enough stitches to match the opening of the shorts so the leg will be straight all the way down. Make more/less stitches in the first round as needed.

Finish with 1 slip stitch in the 2nd chain in the beginning of the round, chain 3 and turn.

Round 2: Make 1 dc in the first dc, ch 1, 1 dc in the next dc, ch 1. 1 ss in the 2nd chain in the beginning of the round, ch 3 and turn.

Round 3-xx. Repeat round 2 until you have the length you need. I have 62 rounds.

The edge: Make 4-5 cm (about 4 rows) with regular dc: 1 dc in the dc, 1 dc around the chain. Finish with 1 ss in the first dc, ch 1 and break off the yarn.

Make the other leg the same way and you’re done!

Posted on Leave a comment

Kan man leve af at hækle?

Ja! Du behøver ikke have taget kurser, have erfaring med at drive virksomhed eller have hæklet i adskillige år, for at starte en hæklevirksomhed. Jeg plejer at sige, at hvis jeg kan, så kan du også.

MIN BEGYNDELSE
Da jeg startede, var jeg slet ikke klar over at man kunne tjene penge på at hækle. Jeg husker en af de allerførste opslag jeg lavede på Instagram, hvor en fremmed kvinde skrev og spurgte om hun kunne bestille sådan en top. Langsomt begyndte det at gå op for mig, at det faktisk var muligt at tjene penge på.

Når det kommer til hækling er der også mange forskellige måder at tjene penge på det på. Det afhænger både af hvad du er god til, hvad du kan lide at lave og hvad andre er villige til at betale for.

Sommetider skal du være i gang i lidt tid, for at opdage hvad folk er interesserede i og hvad du er god til og andre gange vil folk kontakte dig direkte og fortælle dig, hvad de vil have.

FIND UD AF HVAD DU KAN, HVAD DU VIL & HVAD ANDRE VIL BETALE FOR

Kan du lide at designe noget som en kunde bestiller dig til? Vil du hellere selv bestemme den krproces? Vil du skabe fysiske produkter og sælge dem eller lave produkter på bestilling? Eller vil du lave digitale produkter som fx opskrifter eller kurser?

Når du har fundet ud af det område du ønsker at arbejde i, så skær processen ned til mindre dele – hvad indebærer det – skridt for skridt. Hvilke opgaver kan du lide og er god til? Hvilke opgaver bryder du dig mindre om? Det er vigtigt at forstå dine egne begrænsninger og talenter, så du har overbliuk over det.

Måske vil du samarbejde med andre hæklere, fx designe for dem eller hækle for dem eller skrive deres opskrifter? Hvad er det for et slags arbejde du ønsker at skabe for dig selv? Skriv det hele ned, skriv alle dine ønsker og behov ned, og alt det som afholder dig fra det. Det er okay at bede andre om hjælp også, og det er okay at sige nej til noget, som du ikke vil eller kan finde ud af. Forvent ikke at du skal kunne det hele og kunne lide det hele, vi hara alle styrker og svagheder.

SKÆR NED PÅ UDGIFTER
Hvis du ligesom mig synes, at det allervigtigste er at være selvstændig, så tror jeg også du er villig til at ofre nogle ting for det. For mig har friheden i at have mit eget job, været meget højere end ønsket om at rejse, shoppe meget eller gå i byen. Men hvis det ikke er så vigtigt for dig at blive selvstændig, men du hellere bare vil tjene lidt ved siden af, så kan du sagtens fortsætte din livsstil og stadig tjene lidt ved at hækle på deltid.

Jeg er heldig at jeg ikke kun kan leve meget billigt, men at jeg også skaber produkter, som ikke koster mig særlig meget. Det koster mig ikke penge at lave en opskrift og eksportere den til en pdf-fil. Jeg bruger et gratis skriveprogram og det garn jeg bruger til at lave designs med, det bliver enten til et produkt jeg kan sælge eller bruge eller også piller jeg det op og skaber noget nyt.

SAMARBEJDE MED GARNFORHANDLERE & INFLUENCERE

Hvis du har cirka 1.000 følgere på dine sociale medier, kan det godt betale sig at tage kontakt til en garnforhandler.

Meget af mit garn har jeg også købt i genbrug til en billig penge og ellers har jeg indgået nogle sponsorsamarbejder med garnforhandlere, som har sendt mig gratis garn i modbetaling til at jeg deler billeder med det, jeg har kreeret. Når du sender sådan en mail, så hav fokus på hvad du kan bidrage med. Fortæl hvem og hvor dine følgere er fra, fortæl hvilke slags opslag du har tænkt dig at lave og hvordan de kan forvente at få flere kunder igennem dine opslag.

Du kan også oprette en profil på partner-ads.com. Det er gratis og her kan du ansøge om at bruge reklamelinks på din side. Hvis folk klikker på linket og køber noget igennem det, får du en procentdel af salget.

En sidste god idé er at indgå samarbejder med influencere – afhængig af hvilket slags arbejde du laver, så er det en god idé at finde en influencer med følgere som kunne være potentielle kunder. Hvis du sælger fysiske produkter, så find en influencer der passer din stil. Hvis det er opskrifter du sælger, så find en influencer, som har følgere der også kan lide at hækle.



OVERVEJ OM DU KAN TILBYDE ANDRE PRODUKTER

Det er vigtigt at huske, at du ikke behøver at holde dig til ét område, hvis du også brænder for noget andet. Fx kan du lave e-bøger, kurser, lydoptagelser eller videoer som du kan tage penge for. Tænk over hvad du er god til og hvad du kan bidrage med og samtidig hvad andre er interesserede i at betale for. Husk at værdsætte din egen viden og input – du er og kan noget specielt og det er penge værd.

Det kan også være du vil noget h elt andet – fx lave en hækleworkshop eller være mentor for andre hæklere, som ger

HVORDAN TJENER JEG PENGE?
I starten, da jeg ikke kunne leve af det endnu, tjente jeg penge på at hækle toppe på bestilling. Da jeg stadig var ret ukendt, kunne jeg ikke få en særlig fair pris for mine produkter og jeg måtte gentagne gange lave opslag omkring produktionen, for at minde folk om at det tager tid at producere håndlavet tøj. Entop der tog mig 6-7 timer at hækle (uden pauser), fik jeg 400 kr for. Så var der også levering oveni og prisen for garnet. Det kunne ikke betale sig i længden.

Min plan var egentlig at fortsætte med det, fordi jeg ikke var interesseret i at skrive opskrifter. Men med tiden så jeg, at der var færre der bestilte og flere der eftersprugte opskrifter, så derfor besluttede jeg mig for at skabe opskrifter, selvom jeg faktisk ikke brød mig om at skulle det – med tiden begyndte jeg ikke kun at kunne lide det men også opdage, at jeg var rigtig god til det.


FINDE BALANCEN
Alt hvad du laver i din virksomhed, kan ikke være lige sjovt. Noget kan du være rigtig god til, men ikke synes er særlig sjovt. Noget andet kan du synes er rigtigt sjovt, men er ikke særlig god til. Det er meget naturligt, at vores styrker og svagheder ligger forskellige steder. Det er også okay, at bede andre om hjælp og det er også okay at lave noget som du ikke synes er ligeså sjovt som det andet og det er også okay at sige nej til at lave noget!

Find ud af, om det er det værd. Hvis du kan tjene penge på at lave noget, som er nemt for dig eller som du er god til, så betyder det måske ikke så meget om du synes det altid er lige sjovt – hvis du tilgengæld får noget igen!

Hvis du decideret ikke kan udstå noget, er det måske en god idé at lægge fokus et andet sted.


TIL SIDST
For at kunne leve af at hækle, er det vigtigt at finde en balance mellem det du kan, det du kan lide og det andre vil betale for. Det er vigtigt, at hvis en opgave føles overvældende for dig, så husk at sæt en grænse. Sig ikke bare ja, fordi nogen er villig til at betale dig for det.

Og husk, at bliv ved med at mød dig selv i det, du kan lide – giv dig selv lang snor – både til at udforske de ting du kan lide, men også at prøve nye ting af. Samtidig, mød andre med et åbent sind, lyt til deres feedback, deres ønsker, deres idéer – hvem ved, måske vil du blive overrasket!


Husk at du altid er velkommen til at skrive til mig, hvis du har brug for hjælp på din hæklerejse. Du kan også finde min e-bog der beskriver mere i detaljer, hvordan du kan skabe dit eget job. Læs den her.

Du kan også læse mere om min rejse fra arbejdsløs på kontanthjælp med ptsd, kronisk angst og stress til selvstændig i min egen virksomhed lige her.






Posted on Leave a comment

How to Get Started with Crochet

this post contains affiliate links

Pick a hook that you like

Go looking in your local supermarket or yarn shop and feel for a hook that is comfortable in your hand. You determine the size of the hook by looking for the “mm” – the heigher the number the bigger the hook. For starters choose a hook that is 3 mm or bigger.

You can find one with a simple handle (6 mm) or one with an even more advanced handle (4 mm) for ultimate comfort.
No matter which you choose it’s important you find it comfortable or like to hold it.


Pick the right kind of yarn

When it comes to yarn try to look for cotton and avoid wool as it will be more difficult to unravel or yarn with many threads as it can get stuck in the hook.
I recommend yarn that is woven like this or if you want some thinner yarn, this one is great for both garments and cloths.

On the yarn label it will show you what size hook is recommended – it will also say so on the website. Bare in mind you will almost always be able to use a smaller or bigger hook than recommened on the label. But this is just a good indicator to make sure the crocheting is as easy as possible.

Yarn sponsored by We Are Knitters

Start practising

When you have your materials ready it’s time to get started with crocheting!

Start by practising the smallest stitches first: CHAINS

With chains you will have a foundation for whatever stitch you want to make.

Here are the stitches and their abbreviations in order of how big they are (= how they difficult they are).
These are US terms:

chain (ch)
slip stitch (ss)
single crochet (sc)
half double crochet (hdc)
double crochet (dc)

If you know these basic stitches you will be able to make many of my patterns.

Other crochet techniques

CHAINLESS FOUNDATION

If you want to make garments it’s good to know chainless foundation. Chainless foundation acts as the first row or round on your project. In this playlist I show you how to make chainless foundation with three different stitches.

Other good things to learn:
– crochet in a circle (for making circle shapes for either garments or animals)
– weave in the yarn ends (when you are finished or while crocheting)
– add new yarn to your project (either by tying yarn ends together or pulling the new yarn through the stitch)
– decrease and increase (meaning to either remove or add stitches to create a specific shape)
– crochet or sewing panels together
– crocheting out from your existing crochet (this is if you want to add something extra to your project)

Understanding construction

Depending on what kind of project you want to make there will be different kinds of constructions. This can be working in rows, rounds or in a circle. Backless tops will be in rows. Garments that go all around the body – like regular tops, sweaters or dresses can be made both in rounds or in rows (individual panels that are put together in the end).

Check out my beginner’s video course on construction here.

Taking measurements

Most of my recent patterns follows measurements. And even if they don’t it’s always good to have an idea of what your body measures so you are able to figure out what size you are closest to. This video will show you how and where to measure.

Choosing a project


I don’t think you need to start out with a basic square – but if you’re just interested in making household items this is a good start. You could also try out my free pattern for a crochet handbag – this is basically just a square but more fun than a kitchen cloth.

If you are more into making garments you need to pick a simple garment to start out with.
Preferably one with no increases or decreases or one that is either just 1 panel worked in rows (like a backless top) or one with a video or video tutorial that comes along.

Patterns for beginners

Here are some patterns I recommend for beginners (click the photo to get to the pattern).

Etna top: You need: chainless foundation, chains, slip stitch, half double crochet, back loop & decrease stitches

Stella top: You need: chainless foundations, chains, sip stitch, single, half double and double crochet & decrease stitches. Pattern comes with video tutorial.

Elsa top: You need: chains, double crochet, slip stitch, single crochet and here are no decreases/increases. Pattern comes with video tutorial.

Aurelia top: You need: chainless foundation, half double crochet, chains, slip stitch& here are no decreases/increases. Pattern comes with video tutorial.

Take your time

… and have patience.
Learning anything new takes time. But just spending 10 minutes everyday on doing some stitches or working on a project can really go a long way. It’s okay to make mistakes or to finish a project that didn’t turn out how you planned – that’s part of crocheting even when you’ve done it for years or are doing it professionally.
Be kind to yourself – it’s about the journey not the destination.

Remember that you are always welcome to contact me if you need any more help in your crochet journey.

Happy crocheting!

Posted on Leave a comment

How to Follow my Patterns

Most of my recent patterns follow measurements. Here I will guide you to my patterns.

If you are new:

  • read the first 1-2 pages from start to finish – this will tell you all you need in terms of materials, stitches, the process and measurements
  • take your measurements – use my video as a guide to help you – and write them down
  • do one step at a time (instead of reading through the whole pattern, as that can be too much at a time)
  • if you are unsure about anything go back to “Process” section or if there is a video/photo look at that as a help


    If you are intermediate/advanced:
  • you might not have to read everything to begin with – maybe you already know the stitch abbreviations
  • look at the materials used
  • take your measurements – write them down
  • go to the actual pattern (if you need further instructions read the “Process” section.

Here are some videos that might be helpful:

Don’t hestitate to contact me on Instagram or via e-mail if you need further assistance. I am always happy to help you in any way that I can.

Posted on 1 Comment

My Self-Employment Journey – How I Created My Own Job While Dealing with PTSD

THE BEGINNING OF MY SELF-EMPLOYMENT JOURNEY


Let’s rewind to October 2018. I had been studying to become a social and health care assistant for 2 months and had tried to balance a normal life as a student while dealing with PTSD – meaning being in constant high alert.

I was exhausted all the time from never being able to relax. One day felt like a week and I knew that if I had to continue studying I would also have to do intern work full time for 1,5 years and I just realised that I couldn’t take 3,5 years of that.

MY PTSD-SYMPTOMS

Being in constant high alert for me meant having a racing heart, being hypervigilant – always being aware of my surroundings, being hyper sensitive to other people’s actions, words, facial expressions, tone of voice and body language, sweating and blushing if someone just approached me, feeling a sense of doom around every corner – that something would give me a huge shock which would send me over the edge. It felt like having a gun pointed to my head all the time, not being able to breathe freely or relax, feeling in constant danger.

At the same time I had flashbacks every day. Often a teacher would forget about me and I was sent right back into childhood and felt so shameful, that the whole world hated me and I was unlovable which made me feel more unsafe.

At the same time it was like I had another life on the side (crocheting and selling crochet tops), that was more interesting, fun and filled with freedom – but a life that I thought to myself would always be an illusion, something unattainable and unimaginable for me.

TRYING TO FIT IN


I thought that I would have to live a normal life – work a full time job somewhere so I could provide for my children, go traveling, buy a house etc. Then I realised I actually didn’t want children, that I was happy about living in my tiny apartment and not owning my own place and didn’t feel a need to go traveling.

I just wanted to feel safe and I was happy by the thought of just earning enough to get by and feel relaxed. But it felt like my small expectations of freedom and relaxation were still not possible.

Even working 10-15 hours a week would still mean I had to be in constant stress to earn money to pay my bills. Just the thought of earning money was so stressful to me.

BEING GASLIGHTED BY THE SYSTEM

During the next 10 months – from October 2018 to August 2019 I was unemployed.

I was broken down, but I still had to fight the battle alone – the battle of authorities not taking my mental health serious and just wanting to get me through the system as fast as possible – into any job (even if that would mean I would then break down again and get back into the system again). It felt like screaming into an empty corridor only hearing my own voice echo back. No response, no empathy, no belief in me.

I had heard of so many people experiencing the exact same thing as me. If you didn’t look depressed, anxious or suicidal then you were not.

Imagine how traumatic this is when you have been dealing with being gaslighted your whole life and then the authorities that were suppossed to help you just continue the gaslighting.

BEING IN THE SYSTEM WORSENED MY PTSD

In the end just stepping into the job center to have my weekly meeting with a social worker I would sit with the hands over my head and my thumbs pressed into my ears to block out any sound or light.

I learned to be completely inside myself, because I knew that no matter how much I tried no one believed my symptoms were serious and that I needed their help. I had to change to become a person without PTSD, instead of them helping me find a place to work where my PTSD wouldn’t get so triggered.

I couldn’t imagine a life in freedom but I also couldn’t imagine a life in panic.

I WOULD RATHER BE POOR, IF IN RETURN I CAN BE FREE

So what drove me into self-employment?

It was the unbearable thought of living a life in fear and stress, controlled by authorities who didn’t care about my well-being. I would much rather not be able to pay my bills or not get food on the table, and then at least have my freedom, be my own authority.

I had to actually think: “what is the worst thing that could happen?” . The answer: “homelessness and starving”. And that sounded more appealing to me than being in a state of panic and hypervigilance.

The physical stuff didn’t scare me as much as everything I had already experienced.

Quitting welfare and going full time as a crochet designer was one of the easiest things I had done in my life, because everything else seemed even more impossible.

Choosing a life of self-employment and freedom was uncertain and something I had never done before – so at least I had to try it to see if it was possible, because I knew that a life in fear and stress would eventually kill me.

I had no other option left, there was no way back.

GETTING OUT OF THE SYSTEM FOR THE LAST TIME

In my last phone call with my social worker I laughed ironically while I told him “I might just move into a tent and create my own job” (though I didn’t actually mean or believe it).

So I quit welfare the 1st of August 2019 and somehow I knew that this would be the last time I would be in the system.

I was relieved but afraid because I didn’t believe that I would be able to earn enough money from crochet to make a living off it.

I had lived with as little as possible the past months so I had a little bit of money saved up that I could live off and I still had my part time job as a blind assistant but I usually only worked 2-5 hours a month. Though having a safety net helped the fear a lot.

ADJUSTING TO A LIFE OF FREEDOM

The first many months in freedom I still woke up every morning in panic (as I had done every day for the past many years) because I thought I had to be somewhere where I would be in constant high alert and fighting to be understood. I still couldn’t understand I was free of it.

All that time (in the system, in jobs, in school, in relationships) where I had worsened my PTSD and given me another layer of trauma to deal with.

I was finally free and there was a a great deal of relaxation but my brain and body was still reacting like I was a captive in my own life.

LIVING CHEAPLY

I started dumpster diving for food and I cut down all my expenses – no wifi, no streaming services, no money for any kind of unnecessary things. I only spent money on food and bills.

Six months went by and I had earned about 1/4 less than over the Summer, which meant if I put it all together I would have enough to pay my bills and food for maybe 1 month. So I was getting a little frightened and it was winter so not a lot of demand on Summer clothes either.

LEARNING TO MAKE & SELL PATTERNS

Gradually I started getting demands on the patterns for my designs so I started looking up crochet patterns online to see how the layout was and how they were written. And I tried to freestyle my way through it. I thought to myself: “How would I want to read a pattern?”. So basically I wrote a pattern for myself that I would then create a listing for on Etsy.

I upgraded my website subscription so I could start selling phsyical and digital items there as well. Suddenly I got a holiday pay that was bigger than I had expected and my friend out of the blue gave me money because her holiday pay was a lot bigger than mine.

I started having more and more money on my account and realised I wasn’t using my savings anymore. I suddenly had more more money than I needed to get by.

As the patterns started to sell more and more and my website got more and more visitors I started to feel that this might actually be possible. In August 2020 I officially became a registrered business – I had applied the year before but I closed it again immediately because I didn’t believe it would work out.

TODAY

The past 10 monts I have earned more than any other job I have ever had.

It’s hard to understand and I pinch myself everyday.
I don’t wake up with a panic attack (unless I have had bad night). I feel relaxed throughout my day, even though I still struggle with PTSD, anxiety, depression and shame.

I am living the life I couldn’t even imagine – a life of freedom, relaxation, empathy and joy. With time and space for my healing process. Where I can respect my own boundaries, be my own authority, not minimise my symptoms and share what I learned with all of you.

When I look back at just 6 months ago I believe much more in myself and my abilities. I very rarely have the thought that “This won’t work out”, which I had everyday when I first started out.

It’s not just because it’s actually going well (because even though it’s going well I can still have doubts and fear for the future — will it last?), it’s more because I am actually living a life more in harmony with my values, needs and wants.

I am giving myself the life I deserve and seeing how it’s making me more and more comfortable in myself and in my life is giving me a greater sense of trust and belief in myself and the world.

I don’t have the same obsession about the future and wheter or not I will continue to do this kind of work or not. I try and focus on the here-and-now and do the things I enjoy doing on this particular day.
If at some point I want to do other things, like work as a chef, open a café, work therapeutically with other people, be a mentor or musician I have trust.

Because if I could do the unimaginable, I can do anything!

I feel extremely proud of myself and where I have come and so grateful for everyone of you who has been there by my side during this whole process. Those who have bought my digital or physical products, tagged me, sent me photos, reposted/liked/commented/read my posts and written to me and shared your own story.

Thank you for believing in me when I didn’t.

A FINISHING THOUGHT

I don’t believe the saying “believe in your dreams and they will come true”.
Yes, our thoughts have impact but what if we don’t believe? Can we only start living once we start to believe?
The other day in a feeling of hopelessness I was reminded that:

Just because you lose all hope, doesn’t mean that no good will come to you.

What if believing in ourselves comes from the process and experience of listening, being aware and showing ourselves patience and comfort even when we don’t believe?

So if you doubt yourself, don’t feel good enough, don’t feel ready, don’t have a support system, have been hurt too much in the past, fear that it will only go downhill – it’s okay.

Your life doesn’t require you to be fearless.
Your life doesn’t require you to believe, imagine or visualize something for it to become a reality.

Start now – do what makes you happy, enjoy your passion, take your time, go in your own pace.
Wanting something and going after it is enough for it to come true!

And if all else fails, just know:
I believe in you. There is a way, a place for you too.

Posted on Leave a comment

Why Creating For Yourself Helps You Slow Down

Being in a rush

Sometimes I notice how I rush to get ‘somewhere’.

I am in a hurry to finish projects, because I falsely believe that my work is not good enough, so I shouldn’t take my time with it – it’s better to get it over with so I can get to the next step where I will do and be better than before.

In that state the present is never enough.

I am too hard on myself, judging myself for not doing it good enough and judging myself for rushing and not taking my time. Because I know that I am good enough, but in that moment I am out of touch with myself and the truth.

I feel behind in life and in my creations. I feel that I am not good enough and therefore I have to catch up with everything I have not yet done. I have to reach every goal I have not yet reached so I can feel good enough in the present moment. But it makes no sense as I am abandoning the present moment.

A to-do list that never ends



It feels like I’m in a race with myself. I am on negative 100 and have to rush mentally just get to zero.

It feels like having a whole list of to-do’s and everytime I cross off something 10 more things appear. And no matter how much I do, create or rush the feeling of inadequacy just becomes worse and worse.

Sometimes I find myself getting annoyed about how many ideas I have in mind because I feel like I’m out of time – that if I had create all of that I wouldn’t sleep, eat or do anything else for the rest of my life. It feels exhausting.

Enjoying the unfinished projects


Then this morning I noticed something. I noticed the dress I have been working on for weeks that I have never felt rushed with, the items that are finished yet I haven’t even woven in the ends – and I don’t care!

I don’t mind having unfinished projects and taking my time when I feel the intention to create arises from me.

I am practising telling myself:
I am enough.
I have enough.
I don’t need to do more to be okay or successful.
I don’t need the things I create.
I have and am enough right now.


Create because I want to not because I need to.
Create for myself not for others.

When my focus is outwards on the world and what I think is expected of me it will never be enough – because there will always be a need out there, there will always be expectations but it’s not my job to please others, do it the “right” way, post the right things at the right time, create the “right” things at the right time.

The need to rush comes from fear.
I get scared that I won’t be able to continue to create for a living, that what I create will not be enough to pay the bills. I always thought the worst part about having a creative job was not creating or having ideas enough but it’s the opposite. The challenge for me is to tell myself that it is enough; that I will still be able to pay my bills even if I create less.

Creating for myself

When I focus on creating for myself I feel body breathe deeper, I feel more settled, more trusting of myself and my path, because I am here now, and there is not anywhere I need to get to.

Everything happens right now, my ability to sense, create, be present, grow, find safety and slow down – nothing every happens in the future, it happens now.

Therefore I can’t rush to get somewhere because there is no “there” there. I am not rushing to get somewhere I am rushing because I falsely thing that it will make me feel less stressed, incapable and inadequate when in reality rushing makes me feel all those things.

So this is a reminder for me (and for you) to do and be right now from the intention that arises right now inside me.

Be with that. Create with that. Slow down with that.

Create for me, live for me.